Where are you now?

I'm daring you dear God, dear Being, Flower or whatever you like to be called. It's 9 o'clock and I'm daring you to give me ur wise thought pill. I have my glass of water ready. I'm reticent. I'm wondering if it's at all fair to force you to confide in me. What if you're holding a loud speaker to your mouth and I'm there in the audience all deaf and blind. Coz I want this pill to be natural. I don't want to write literature. I don't want to sound funny, philosophical, pretentious. I want a 100% organic, naked truth wisdom pill.

9:15. I'm tired and I have a headache is the only truth I can hear at the moment.
"Is that ALL or you think it's the most I can handle today?"I ask starting to drink from the water.
"Tell me one thing that made you happy today", I hear a blue, clear voice addressing me.
So he does talk, I'm thinking. I take another sip and hurry on coz u never know how long meetings without appointment last.
"Well, I went to Mission Bay Park and I saw nice kites, and seagulls eating french fries; and a dog snatched a duck and it hurt her, but we can't blame the dog, he was just being playful; and then, there were lots of people barbecuing, a bunch of crows were playing Frisbee and some people volleyball; kids were bathing and splashing; pelicans were fishing; dogs were wagging their tails, and people were wagging their dogs..it was a concert of joy. It was almost too good to be true. The only bad thing was the lack of toilet paper in the restrooms, but it didn't really bother me as I always carry Kleenex with me, and truth of the matter is there were lots of people in the park. I was actually happy about their choice to use the facilities rather than recycle all that Palm Sunday beer and soda in Mission Bay."
"So you spent a lovely afternoon there", the voice says.
"Yes, but when I got home to my overheated apartment, I had a scary thought. What if all that merry celebration was only a product of my mind? I almost ran to the car determined to go see if it was all still there, intact."
"Did you?''
"No, I was too afraid to see kites lost in the sky, sea gulls sick because of too much cholesterol, kids crying that their pampers were full, the injured duck having a bad limp. You know, all that."
"Was there anyone with you to testify for the happiness in the park?"
"No", I sighed.
"But now, when you look back, were you happy in the park?"
''I don't know anymore. I'm not there anymore."
"Where are you now?"

I frown and lift my glass but there's no more water inside.

Piano(d)rama

Who should be educated first, parents or children?

12 pm sharp.
Every day.
Downstairs apartment.

3 year-old Korean whining. Firm Korean mother restating in sharp Korean idiom the task to be performed. Glassware thrown on the floor. Korean grandma chiding. The first angry bangs on the beast. Doors slamming. The kid is a strong one. Korean mother and grandma reprimanding. Korean mother sampling nice Chopin appetizer. Sobbing, sobbing. Banging, banging. A tricycle and a ball flying out the door. Howling, howling. Small hearts, big hearts--broken.

Korean grandpa and Korean kid hand in hand. Korean kid hopping on the tricycle, grandpa holding the handle, kid licking a popsicle.

The beast is dead.

STOP signs are there for a reason.

At the end of the day the question should be not how much I accomplished, but how much I was present at all times.

Dear Blog,

If you ever need a lift and have the guts to ask me to drive you to an IT conference, please forcefully remind me (elbows work fine) of the fact that STOP signs are there for a reason. The other day, just as I boldly and spontaneously made the resolution to choose being present over achieving something--and declared it publicly with the same spontaneity and boldness on Facebook--I almost got myself into a car accident on campus, fat, yellow speed breakers notwithstanding. Luckily, when I saw another car already engaged in traffic and heading with distinct precision towards wherever I happened to be heading, I chose to hit the accelaration pedal and avoid a collision that, according to all laws of physics, was written in the stars (I consulted my personal astrologer later on and he confirmed that Saturn was wreaking havoc in my house). Not that my car would have been surprised should something have happened. She already knows what the lips of a Mercedes, Toyota or Nissan taste like. My car has a PHd in The Nature of Impermanence with a concentration on With this driver, it's not worth getting me fixed. Can't help but wonder, though. Was it life's ironic way of reminding me that making resolutions is not really what this concert of randomness is really about, in other words that I was merely lucky to get to my meeting intact and on time? Or was it really an act of presence that saved me.

A wise pill thought a day keeps the mind doctor away

Dear Blog,

I'm starting a new thing. Instead of the sleeping pills I'm taking every night (which I'm not taking, but it's so trendy I can't help pretending), I'll have Mind squeeze a spark of wisdom from one of its many, untapped 3/4ths cabinet files. 9 o'clock pm sharp. It'll be a sort of pascalian (was it?) challenge to prove the existence of eternal truth in us.

So here's what came out tonight, out of nowhere, not related a bit to Amanda Filipacchi I was reading:

I'm waiting eagerly for the day when having no expectations will be my only life expectation.

A caveat (a day keeps high expectations away): cannot guarantee they will all be wise. You can always throw eggs at me, in case they're not. Shoes are also fine, but please provide a pair, 8 (US), 26 (Europe). Hate shopping anyway.